Mom guilt… that sneaky little gremlin that shows up exactly when you don’t need it. You know the one – it creeps in just as you finally sit down with a cup of coffee and scroll Instagram while your toddler watches Bluey for the third time that day.
It’s like as soon as you become a mom, someone hands you this invisible backpack full of guilt, and you end up carrying it through every stage of motherhood. From sleepless nights and daycare drop-offs to the frozen pizza you served for dinner (again), the guilt just finds a way to tag along.
And even though deep down you know you’re doing your best, it still feels like it’s never quite enough.
So, what actually triggers mom guilt?
Honestly? Almost anything. But here are some of the most common culprits:
1. Going Back to Work
Whether you’re returning to a job you love, or just craving a few hours of adult conversation, walking out the door with your laptop and iced coffee can come with a heavy dose of guilt.
That inner voice starts whispering: “Shouldn’t you want to be home with your baby all day?” And while you know your child is safe, loved, and thriving – maybe even getting more stimulation than you could provide on three hours of sleep – the guilt still lingers.
Here’s the truth: working doesn’t make you a bad mom. Providing for your family, chasing your passions, or needing space to breathe are all valid. You can be both a present, loving parent and a professional. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.
2. Not Enjoying Every Moment
We’ve all heard it: “Soak it all in! It goes by so fast!”
And yes, there are moments you’ll treasure forever – baby giggles, cuddles before bedtime, those tiny toes. But some days, you’re not soaking in magic. You’re soaking in spit-up, reheated coffee, and tantrums over the wrong color cup.
And that’s okay.
You don’t have to love every second to be a good mom. Parenting is messy, chaotic, and incredibly human. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. You’re allowed to wish for a break. That doesn’t mean you love your kids any less.
3. Screen Time
We all know the guidelines. We’ve read the articles. But let’s be real: sometimes, putting on Encanto or Paw Patrol is what gets you through the day. Maybe you need to clean the house. Maybe you need to answer work emails. Or maybe you just need to sit on the couch and breathe.
Cue the guilt: “Am I rotting their brain? Am I a lazy mom?”
Deep breath: no, you’re not.
Screen time in moderation isn’t harmful. In fact, it can be a tool that helps you get through the tougher moments. What matters is the overall picture – connection, love, boundaries, and balance.
4. Taking Time for Yourself
Whether it’s locking the bathroom door to enjoy five uninterrupted minutes, running errands alone, or going out with friends, the guilt hits fast: “Shouldn’t I be home with the kids? Is this selfish?”
Here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Taking time for yourself – whatever that looks like – isn’t selfish. It’s survival. It makes you a more patient, present, and happy mom. And guess what? You’re teaching your kids that self-care is important. That’s a win all around.
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How to Deal With Mom Guilt (From One Imperfect Parent to Another)
So what do we do about this guilt that seems to come with the job? Here are a few things that help:
1. Guilt Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing It Wrong
In fact, it often means the opposite: you care deeply.
Feeling guilty shows that you’re invested in being the best parent you can be. But here’s the key – don’t let guilt turn into shame. When that inner voice says, “You’re failing,” pause and reframe it.
Ask yourself:
- Why am I feeling this way?
- Is this thought actually true?
- Would I say this to a friend in my shoes?
Chances are, you’d show your friend grace. Show yourself some, too.
2. Get Off the Comparison Train
Instagram and TikTok are highlight reels. That mom with the perfect bento box lunches and matching outfits? She has bad days too. Her kids throw tantrums. Her laundry piles up. Nobody is doing it all, perfectly, all the time.
So when you feel yourself spiraling, unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel “less than.” Curate your feed to lift you up, not weigh you down.
3. Talk About It
Mom guilt loves silence. The more you keep it bottled up, the heavier it feels. So say it out loud. Text a fellow mom. Talk to your partner. Vent in a group chat. You’ll probably hear something like: “Omg, SAME.”
And just like that – you realize it’s not just you. You’re not alone in this.
4. Let Go of the “Perfect Parent” Myth
Spoiler: she doesn’t exist.
Not on Instagram. Not at school drop-off. Not at the playground. And definitely not in your mirror.
Your kids don’t need perfect. They need you – present, loving, real. The one who kisses scraped knees, sneaks them snacks, cries when they cry, and laughs until your stomach hurts.
That’s the mom they’ll remember.
5. Balance Doesn’t Mean Every Day is Equal
Some days, you’ll feel like Supermom. You’ll crush bedtime, have a clean kitchen, and even squeeze in a workout.
Other days, you’ll barely hold it together – and that’s normal.
Motherhood isn’t a checklist. It’s a rhythm, not a formula. And over time, it all evens out.
The Bottom Line
Mom guilt is part of the ride, but it doesn’t have to steer the ship. The next time you feel it creeping in, take a deep breath and remind yourself:
You’re doing the best you can.
You’re showing up with love.
And your best? It’s more than enough.
💛
